omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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