i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
