I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
