Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
