please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
