you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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