She is in my trunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
