Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
