I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
