Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
