***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
