Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
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