having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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