Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
