Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
