I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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