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• (989): View more from Michigan

  News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to

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• (949): View more from California

  hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...

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