got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
