Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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