I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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