My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
