I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
