i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
