y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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