My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
