So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wear drunk well.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
