It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
