Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
