there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
