Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
