zippers are such a cool invention
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
