Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
