john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i came on her dog
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
