He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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