I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
