Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
