I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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