Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
