Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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