I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
