Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
