what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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