just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
