Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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