You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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