Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You left your phone here
Wait...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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