I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
