That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
