Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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