my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
