Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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