she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
