I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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