Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
