His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
