Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
