She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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