Already got asked if we're dating
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
