We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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